I’m pregnant again. A bit pregnant anyway, I’m waiting for my second beta. This is a relatively ‘natural’ pregnancy (superovulation (puregon/menopur)); how odd that is that I’d consider injecting myself with purified urine a natural way of getting pregnant but it didn’t involve ovarian puncture or anaesthesia & there was a penis involved so I’ll take it. This is my seventh pregnancy, I have no reason to believe that it will result in a child, it is fairly likely that I won’t get good news on Monday; but for the next few days I am pregnant.
My gynaecologist describes my history as grim, I agree and with him; I’ve had a veritable smorgasbord of miscarriages.
September ‘98 - blighted ovum, discovered at 8 weeks.
November ‘00 - a live birth! With a pregnancy blighted by hyperemesis, pre eclampsia, pPROM, preterm (EMCS) delivery, ABO incompatibility, a short stay in the SCBU & devastating post natal depression.
June ‘02 - miscarriage at 5 weeks, pretty standard +hpt followed by bleeding.
December ‘02 - missed miscarriage at 13 weeks, the baby died around at 8 weeks, we got a heart beat this time but it didn’t last.
May ‘03 - another 5 or 6 week loss.
We then had 2+ years of horrific, unremitting infertility. It was honestly the hardest time of my life, everything suffered, I became a different person sad & hopeless. Our SIF is unexplained, I may have some slight immune problems, maybe PCOS, our in vitro fertilisation isn’t good, but no one can explain why.
November ‘05 - an ICSI cycle resulted our daughter Estella. Things didn’t go well from the start with low & non doubling beta HCGs, then a heartbeat but slow growth, then the growth caught up but I started bleeding from a subchorionic haematoma. Eventually I had a pPROM & placental abruption & we lost the baby at 14 weeks. We threw everything at this pregnancy, IVIg, steroids, aspirin, heparin, progesterone; it still didn’t work. We lost her twin very early in the pregnancy.
So now I find myself, only 3 months later, pregnant again & to be honest I don’t know what I feel. I’m gratefully accepting another chance but I almost can’t imagine it working.
