It was about now that it started going down the shitter last time - I keep trying to remind myself how different the pregnancies are (my betas were 2 weeks ahead this time & by 9 weeks last time I had a uterus full of blood & baby was measuring a week behind) - my subconcious is constantly working through it.

The last two nights I’ve had the oddest dreams; in the first I was being scanned  and Estella’s body was still there & they had to do a ventousse delivery on it. Then last night I dreamt that we had hired Rose from Lost as a gestational surrogate and were transferring the fetus to her.

Its not really much fun - my next scan is in 19 days, I just need to ignore it some more.