Well now I just dream about blood which is, of course, infinitely better than real life blood (which there hasn’t been). I should be ten weeks tomorrow, which I’d be happy about if I had any idea that I wasn’t lugging around a very dead embryo/fetus. Time is playing serious tricks on me, it has been less than a week since my last scan & it feels like an eternity (all those many hours for fetal demise to occur) but I’m only six days more pregnant than I was.

I’m feeling better - I wasn’t sick yesterday - the fog is lifting a bit (I was still awake at 10 pm last night), I don’t really feel that pregnant anymore. I have to call the hospital on Tuesday to arrange my next scan (hopefully it’ll be within a week of that), but not having a date to fix on is hard. I fucking hate the NHS scans too, they’re clueless.

I’m trying to tell myself that it is more likely it is alive than dead but I don’t believe it.

Just fuck.