… throwing a few thoughts together or the end of another year.
First us - we’re great. The baby is fantastic, big sister has adapted beautifully (a few bumps along the way), motherhood is much, much better the second time around. Easier, less scary, more fun. We’re lucky.
2007 - not sure what it has in store for us, 2006 was about the baby. I’m so glad I had this blog as a record of the pregnancy, it seems like a dream now, the constant fear.
I haven’t had any PND - I spent the first 6 weeks in a state of euphoria, I’m more balanced now but god its good. Physically I’ve recovered from the inevitable section really well, lots of weight to shift still but it’ll happen. The birth was perfect, I still tear up when I think about it - as different to the standard empowering no-drugs-water/home-birth as you can imagine but oh so wonderful.
IF Pain - I haven’t dealt with the pain of losing E at all. I was pregnant only 2 cycles after the miscarriage & I just couldn’t deal with it then. I get flashbacks sometimes - the smell of blood. The new baby hasn’t healed the wounds - I feel he’s debrided them, all the putrid, rotting stuff has gone & I imagine in time it will all heal over. I am still jealous - not of babies (I’ve never really had that, because I had C) - how crazy is that? Will it ever go? I’m viciously jealous of those with crops of frozen blasts, I still get a pang (wistful now) when I see pregnancy announcements. I’m able to pass for normal now with two kids - although it never occurred to me that with a six year age gap everyone would assume I’d remarried & the children have different fathers. Poor S. I’m not though, there’s still distance between me and the ’mommy world’.
Blogosphere - I’ve had barely anytime on the computer. I hadn’t wanted to go on at all for a few weeks after J was born. Just before Christmas I read through every blog on Julie’s Big List and cried the whole time. I want them all to get the happy ending - now, soon - not just one baby but as many as the want. I don’t comment - the number of times I’ve written something then deleted it - I feel so awkward about having SIF, I feel I should preface anything I say with an apology, then I think it is probably easier not to say anything.
Message boards - then PIF/SIF thing rages on, its depressing and counterproductive. I think it weakens us all. A PIF would swap with a secondary any day, we’d both swap with a fertile in a heartbeat. Unfortunately none of us can, we’re stuck with what we’ve got.
There’s been so much happened since I’ve been away - the sublime, Mare & BrooklynGirl while Thalya and Manuela have been shat on in the worst possible ways. I want it all to be over everyone.
(oh & I had to take comments off because of RL drama with EggDonorWoman, who is incapable of respecting anyone and enjoys stalking, I didn’t want to deal with her crap here)
