Friday was the EDD of the last pregnancy, what should have been been sweet the end of IVF#1. I probably would have had a two week old baby by now, we’d all be exhausted & overwhelmed & so happy.

I haven’t really known what to say about it, Friday is my busy day rushing from place to place, I barely had time to think. Last week also marked 16 weeks in this pregnancy, the point at which I thought I might feel more secure.

I think about that baby every day, I loved her, I loved the idea of her. I suppose I projected a lot of my feeling about C onto her - she was brave & plucky & a fighter, we went through tough times together. Of course C & I came through relatively unscathed, E didn’t.

I suppose there isn’t much to say anyway.

I love you E, I miss you, I wanted it to be different, I’m sorry if I let you down. C talks about you ‘her little baby’ often, she doesn’t understand why you aren’t here.